I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
