Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
