These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
