i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
