If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
