I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
