just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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