I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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