I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Houston, we have a blender
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
