I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize