Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You are the jesus of drinking
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
