Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
