whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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