Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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