She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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