You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
