I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
