theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize