I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
