She just used a chaser for red wine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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