I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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