The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
