You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
