If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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