Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
