I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up under a house in Key West
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
