FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found your dick twin last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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