Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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