So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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