i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
