Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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