after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
