I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize