I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize