The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
