yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
