do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
