look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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