Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
