Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
