I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
