ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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