I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
