Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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