either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
