Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
