I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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