New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
