woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
false alarm, still single
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
