Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize