Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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