saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
