shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
