Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize