if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
