we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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