yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
