our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
