Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
