He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
