Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
