I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
