Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
