Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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