some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
