I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I love you. Go after that dick
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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