It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
